Baby Fever…

Has hit me hard the last couple of days, weeks, months. Yesterday I held an 8 week old baby and my heart just about exploded with longing. I go through periods of wanting another child so bad that I tend to forget the reality of the situation. Mostly the fact that my boyfriend is across the country working, our finances aren’t great (or even good) and that I don’t know if our relationship will even make it at this point.

I want so bad for Lucy to have a baby sister or brother, but my whole thought process is different now. I’m not a planner, don’t usually think things through to the future, I just jump in and deal with the consequences as they come about, which is how Lucy came to be ;) That makes having another kid pretty difficult since I now know what being a Mom entails and it’s a lot harder than I ever could have imagined. More rewarding and wonderful that I could have imagined as well, but hard.

So, I know another baby is out of the question for now, but do I want it out of the question forever? No. And I’m starting to realize that I REALLY want another baby…in the future. I’m going to be smart with this decision, for once in my life. Because now I’m a grown up and that’s what we do, right?

But oh my god…please let it happen one day. That’s me sending my wish out to the universe, whoever’s listening.

I mean, who doesn’t want this?

first, originally uploaded by Meagan & Lucy.

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Filed under Don't forget this..., Milestones, Mommy confession

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